MAKE MINE A PINT series one By Dennis Rookard
Read by John Glasscock.
Brentwood in Essex isn’t a particularly distinguished place, and Dennis Rookard’s local, the Traveller’s Rest, is not much to look at from the outside. A bit down at heel, in fact, and in need of a lick of paint, but that’s how the regulars like it. The Traveller’s Rest is a home-from-home for the professional drinker.
Dennis claims to have spent many happy hours in researching the material for these stories. He assures us that they are all based on fact - but does admit to a little embellishment.
1. About the Traveller’s Rest
A brief introduction that can be used to preface any of the stories.
2. Meet the Gang
There’s Jack the landlord, who can get through a bottle of Scotch in an evening; Pete, believed to be Something In The City; Russell, who patrols the streets by day with his dustcart; Big John the football fanatic; Charles the trainee Village Idiot; Chris the vicar; Sad Eric; Bert the real ale lover; Chalky White, the old man of the pub; Fred the freelance journalist; Elvis, who has never quite lived down being named after his mother’s hero; Sorry Colin; and Brian, the expert on local gossip and politics. Oh, and Dennis, of course – but you know about him already.
3. The Trainee Village Idiot
How Charles, never the sharpest tool in the box, thought he’d strike oil in Brentwood.
4. The Viking Funeral
When Jack’s mynah bird Charlie died, we gave him a proper send-off.
5. The Ghost Dog
One ghost at the Traveller’s Rest wasn’t enough. A dog can still be a man’s best friend even when they’re both dead.
6. Gold under the Car Park
How Paddy became rich after finding gold under the car park. Well, not quite gold, but almost as good.
7. Paddy’s new Rolls Royce
Now that he’s struck it rich Paddy wants a new car, and he’ll settle for nothing less than the best.
8. The Lost Pub Outing
Each year the regulars all pile into a coach and head towards the seaside for a day’s boozing in the local pubs – with a stop or two along the way. Of course, someone has to visit them first, to make sure they’re all right…
9. Pickled Carrots
To become accepted as a regular at the Traveller’s Rest, you have to pass a unique test. When Charles took the test, his reaction wasn’t quite what we expected.
10. Jack’s Girlfriend
Our landlord Jack seemed to be besotted with the lovely Sharon, but he was playing with fire, and it was up to the gang to save him.
11. The Pub Inspectors
If the inspectors don’t like what they see, Jack could be out of a job, and the Traveller’s Rest could become a restaurant. Or worse – a family-friendly ‘fun pub’…
12. Quiz Night
The gang at the Traveller’s Rest didn’t really want to field a team for the local pub quiz, but Jack insisted. He’d been conned into betting on the result, though he wouldn’t admit it. Unfortunately we found ourselves up against a team of real hard cases…
13. Twitchers
You know what twitchers are, don’t you? Folk who travel for miles in search of a rare bird, something washed up in the UK after a long flight. One of the twitchers captivated quite another sort of bird, leaving our barmaid Sue in an interesting condition.
14. The Disappearing Pianos
Chuck Fielding, occasional but welcome visitor at the pub, has very individual ideas about art, but as he’s made a fortune by it we aren’t going to argue. And when he said he needed a dozen old pianos for a conceptual event at his country house, we set ourselves to finding them for him.
15. Charlie Mark 2
Jack missed his mynah bird Charlie even more than we thought, so we weren’t too surprised when he bought another one. Things didn’t go according to plan, though. When do they ever?
16. Sharon Comes Back
The lovely Sharon is back in town, complete with her husband – all six foot six of him.
17. Dodgy History – Roman, Go Home!
An extremely unlikely tale from the very early history of Dennis Rookard’s family
18. Dodgy History – Alfred Takes the Cake
Another improbable story about one of Dennis’s forebears. Not King Alfred, but the, er, maiden whose cakes he burnt.
19. Dodgy History – The Reluctant Pilgrim
According to Dennis’s family records, his ancestor Matthew Hardcastle didn’t actually intend to sail all the way to the New World aboard the Mayflower, but some days nothing seems to go right.
20. Dodgy History – The Straw Man of Maldon
How Peg-Leg Bill Hardcastle became rich by dealing in an unlikely commodity. And if you’ll believe that…
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